how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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