Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just blew my weed a kiss
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
