i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
