My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
