On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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