i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
