rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
