Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
