well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Randomize
