I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
