Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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