There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize