Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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