She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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