so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
