I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
