Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
