last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
