my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
