After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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