dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
