You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
