1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
