that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
