I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
