Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
