That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
