Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Randomize
