I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
