Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm like, not good at living.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
