Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
