He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
