i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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