I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
