no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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