im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
