Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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