this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
