I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
