I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
