Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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