also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I want to be your penis for a week.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Randomize
