You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
