you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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