you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Randomize
