jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
