East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
