You smell like stripper and shame
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
