I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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