Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
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