Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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