I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
