if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
