theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
