How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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