She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
