I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
