If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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