Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
