can we get nightvision for the apartment?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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