too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
