it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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