I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
