It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
