it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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