just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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