so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
